Inner peace, anyone?

Is it fun to read a life that is told in every which way? What makes a person to write every day, moments of his/her life? What makes them to share about things which interests them for the moment, that recounts any extraordinary events? Because, the next day, the whole thing doesnt matter anymore. Perhaps it is because no one is listening. I need a friend... The kind of a friend that cares about me, not the one who make me happy for the moment, but someone who can be .com.my

Perhaps, Sangaya is right. My greatest fear is that all this while, i lacked manliness. People say in the movies... dont confuse kindness with weakness. I proved to myself that life punishes your kindness. Its all about the money, power and connections. Kindness gave us shit and false happiness, and long term disappointments. This experiences taught me to cherish happiness more. I hope i could do everything more appropriately for any given situation.

I am thinking as hard as I could. I am thinking so hard that my mind gets weak and my thoughts seems to scatter. I become lazy that I slept the whole evening. I often re-think what I did at the end of the day to see if there is anyway I can improve.

'Hope' informs me that my future appears bright. However, it is the past I am trying to figure out. Re-storing dreams seems to be far from rational. Too much sacrifice. I'd like to preserve the current way of life but 'the past' keep on haunting me. It is extremely difficult to deal with it. Im gonna live assuming there's no god nor the devil and assume I got six months to go.

What am I up to? Tarak tau lagi! My life was like the curious case of benjamin button. As usual, I re-winded a bit, looking back, and felt as if I was in a foreign film without the subtitles. But you know, the thing is, I felt I am becoming younger every second, everyday.

It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man can receive a 'thunderstroke' and 'seruppadi' like that and still live. ( hati jatuh longkang, angkat, cuci bersih & taruk balik..! ) I think maybe because I am a romantic, you know what i mean... and the naturally born sense of humour kept me breathing.

Lately, a range of disappointments, humiliation and heartaches were 'gone' with just 13 bugs. Its was a casual friday. Kungfu Panda 2, holy shit... What we need is 'inner peace'... we are all searching for it... as part of the human journey.  Breathe in... breathe out... fuhhh... inner peace...

Naan avargalai enniyathai pole, avargalum ennai enni irunthal, indru naanum nallavan thaan.