I need a house...

The meaning Of chevaaLai...

Chevaalai : Musa acuminata

A rare red banana tree, also known as Red Dacca bananas. Its scientific designation is Musa acuminata.

Chevaalai : Innocence

This is a personal belief with no regards of the readers discretion...

Chevaalai ~ a youthful yellowish green banana leaf... representing a mixture of innocence, purity and maturity. The world we live in is driven by money and greed. And greed can be a wicked thing. It can turn hearts black.

Life's journey will bring you to a hidden realisation. Those realisation happened within me when I am very young. I used to think of it as abnormal. But some insights in solving the core of delusions leads me to metaphysics / astronomy / parapsychology and post-modern-history which resulted in the awakening of the 'child within'.

This is not the kind of innocence when you were ready to believe a world of magic where gods lived, birds spoke and the good always won in the end... Innocence, is not being soft, one needs to be couragious enough to live a life of innocence. I risked certain things for the rights of my innocence. And in the end, what are the purpose of our existence? To evolve unto innocence...

No matter what happens, I still have my heart, I still have my songs... to be cont....

Kalki's offer...

Legend :

Kalki - The tenth and final Maha Avatar (great incarnation) of 'Vishnu' who will 'bring to an end' the present age of darkness and destruction known as Kali Yuga. He will establish a new era based on truth, righteousness, humanism and goodness, called Satya Yuga.

Imam Mahdi - Dalam ajaran Islam, Imam Mahdi ialah seorang Muslim berusia muda yang akan dipilih oleh Allah S.W.T. untuk menghancurkan semua kezaliman dan menegakkan keadilan di muka bumi sebelum datangnya hari kiamat.

The Four Horsemen - Described in the last book of the New Testament of the Bible, called the Book of Revelation of Jesus Christ to Saint John the Evagelist. The Four Horsemen are to set a divine apocalypse upon the world as harbingers of the Last Judgement.

Kalki's offer...

Imagine at the end of kali yuga, Kalki showed up with an interesting offer.  He says, "I will withdraw all evil things in the world -  ignorance, kekejaman, no hatred, no wars, no deseases, no volcano's, earthquakes, tornado's and tsunami's. No hell, no heaven (for the believers.) I bestow upon you earth people, only happiness and tranquillity, with one condition... suggest me another type of evil and destruction for life." What will be on your mind?

Life is temporary. The world is temporary. Everything is temporary. Good and bad are great crimes of our civilization, and both, temporary. These temporary features, only motivates us to be rich. For those less familiar with the secrets of life, they like to abuse and punish time and circumstances.

Do you ever felt, evolution is boring at maximum level? People pretend to know all the knowledge. They knew all sort of things, forgotting the knowledge of all knowledge is 'That Experience.'

I left 'That Experience' in search of meanings and finally I 'was' here. Things are pretty much slower here. I've realised, that if I want to approach the divine, over here the atmosphere is not suitable, because these environment is unpredictable. I dont want to grow here. I never and dont want to plan the future. For me ' all ' that is experienced is, unspeakable, its only could be transformed to another experience.

A future of honesty and understanding of the self is where I want to be.

I am not the mind, nor the body, not the ego. I am a kind of a reactor of cold and heat..  'I' am a chain of reactions. Then what am I? I am a resposive-chemical-energy software. But, I liked to record things, even if its kinda empty, but it still has a personal meaning. I like to taste words and think about its meanings.. words that stuck in my head ever since I've start recording.  Peka, beku, lebur, abstrak, surreal, nafsu, sad, neutral, lukisan, imagination, astonishing, manifestations, justice, prejudis, matahari, 'mengemberariar'.... coffee, dunhill & pesta.

I've been studying people and their life. Those who've experienced 'That Experience' walk the earth out. They abandon the 'pursuit' and start soul searching... the truth, the real happiness. But some ordinaries chose the easy way out. Some turn into a self-hating bumb, or maybe gay or lesbos, because they believe that at the end of the day what they need is a combination of fulfilling needs/desire and to secure a companionship.

Imagine I propose to my rich fren, 'ennai rendavathu pondattiya ethukiviya? - let me be your second wife)' Where everything is taken care of? Even if this is just an imaginary, I still feel like vomiting!

'Naan oru nandrikettavan.' I can have these luxuries, witness the killings and experience spirituality while still being a carnivore. What am I to do with it? I can only send my thoughts to the unknown force. To the said cosmic consciousness. That im not happy about what is happening? Who am I to care? That's another question.

Perhaps He is listening? Kalki is near? Salah jalan? Stranded somewhere? How would the said 'The End' will take place? How they plan to do it? Self destruct?

Free thinking is a life long sticky substance. The greatest message I've learned so far, 'heartquakes' is worst than earthquakes. Manobalam vs Vacuum State. 'Nyana pasiyo edukindratu, katrallum kadavul kalvi allavo karkevendum. Naanar, en ullangalai, ennai ararivai. Amin....' and I came here for god!

When the goin get tough, the tough get goin...

Last words...

Dear sir, certainly it is ridiculous to say that im able to learn and know everything just by one day observation. But honestly, my experience in xxx field made me sensed some complexity here at xxx. Therefore I find it is my responsibilities to acknowledge my superiors regarding the unsystematic operation procedures and the complexity experienced by our xxx here. The quantity of xxx given varies by their orders everyday.

So, definitely we are not to expect to archive more xxx if there's only an average 10-15 per day. Also the numerous destinations and the distance covered has an impact for the second day operation. Of cource nothing is impossible. However if we are to follow the current system, I believe its not going to work for the long run.

I suggest the management to consider negotiate with xxx to allow us to use the new system I have introduced. Im sorry for any inconvenience caused and please understand that it is not my intention to find any fault of the company. Your decision and consideration will be a factor of my decision to continue my work here. Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

................................

10am:

Know me, try to understand what I am.  Know me, then judge me. My innocences, is not my weakness. Im hiding my rage, for I will break your ego into a million pieces. I am not that which fits in your game. Know me, or I will break your core into million pieces.

6pm:

I could tell them, that I had always followed the wind on my face. But what goes to the winds if I couldnt feel the freedom? When living the values, one will meet mental obstacles. One should have strong determination to overcome it. Life does'nt ends here... New chapters to come...

aLL is weLL ? ? ?

I've been typing my thoughts in Tamil, English & Malay since January. And as I have mentioned earlier it is not my intention to upset or to offend anyone here... This blog are merely some pages where i could key in my random thoughts to read it later. There are a bunch of people in the planet who likes to waste time in arguments, more than to share their thoughts. They like to argue and comment because they cannot do that in real life... so they do it at the forums, blogs, etc.. Something is better done or said in 'rojak' language... in real life kena ISA ma... even blog also kene su... no matter what, who da frikin care of what im trying to say here... perhaps im the only one reading... 

Im hoping any online inhabitant with similar interest as mine to befriend me a.s.a.p, as i get bored easily. Im a low profile cowboy... im simple like sandwich, sweet and nutricious like coffee... i speak tamil, malay and malaysian english. I dont like noise... only melodies, slow rock and country blues... i eat movies and drink songs, but i dont like to watch serials, dramas and tv shows. I dont follow politics but i read the newspapers. Alltogether, im different eventhough by theory we are all one.

Right now, im floating about unknown spheres. Been fighting an internal cold war for years. Between sainthood and robinhood, between 'tabiat' and 'patru'... and 'patrarupathu kadinamanathu!' (only if you could understand) But i wanted to end these things. Its really tiring to see my boat parked at these sephia mode - rusty ' bachelor port of life..' My mind is willing but my heart is weak. For now, my life is like a robot dreaming at daylight, and when im back in reality, i hear voices. I think it is a symptoms of loneliness.

My future plans? Settle down a.s.a.p, and I want to get in love with a girl like vimal and vega in 'pasanga' movie... innocent and comically realistic. I want to marry a girl 'nayagan' style... innocent and artistic according to my budget. I may sound arrogant and serious but i made my debut and won the comedian of the year award.

So, any down to earth senyoritas (red indian girls oso can) out there that hear voices like mine, kindly consider looking into mirror.. if its reflects actress orvasi or deva dharsini, if you are blur-blur at times, if you dont like luxury and fancy things but instead loved simple things, if you can lepak at kedai mamak 24 hours for no reasons, if you like listening to hindi, japanesse, and eskimo's songs eventhough you dont know the language, if you watched kadhal kottai movie more than 50 times, then you have won... but dono how, dono why, you are my sonia!

Ennada... asaai pattutiya?

It would be nice if one could be liberated and experience the electro-chemical cinemascope fields, inasmuch to understand any reasoning they could offer. Nostalgica... is it posible to leave a legacy like that after all these life not well lived? In the pursuit of happines, my mind's polluted by feelings of incapability, fear and guilt volunteerly brings sorrows of un-erasable past. Define vidhi and karma. Perhaps its written on the water?

I questioned myself of why He gave me these moments of silence... so often, a space for me to roam around freezed time and arrangement of thoughts. 'Gopurathaiye parpatale, enn valvum uyarumo?' You are what you ate, what you see? My thoughts wanders around the metallic steel tower, with the 'lutsinar' sun light effect. I am proud of you, a perfect mixture of 'kemodenan-zaman besi' and sephia mode nostalgia.

The scene of 'ayunan dedaun pokok,' sounds from 'vanthu pogum' vehicles and my mind fized at your 'sight.' A few thing missing, 'teh tarik and dunhill,' perhaps a lovely face on my shoulder, and a willingful ears, where I could share all my findings. Suddenly, I could hear Mugilan playing the romantic kannada song again. What perfect timing! Ever since I recommended, he's full of that song... and roys says, oru aanbale manasu oru aanbaleiku-thaan teriyum chief...

Mess with the hima...

(I dont mean to offend anyone by saying these imaginary, out of ignorance thoughts)

Lets make chaos in the himalayas. Let us chase out the Muni's, yogi's, swami's, avatar's with body and without body... all of them to be called out to change the world's current situation... they have been hiding long enough. Arrange self-realization campaign in a larger scale. Kempen jom 'mukthi' besar besaran.  

Inner peace, anyone?

Is it fun to read a life that is told in every which way? What makes a person to write every day, moments of his/her life? What makes them to share about things which interests them for the moment, that recounts any extraordinary events? Because, the next day, the whole thing doesnt matter anymore. Perhaps it is because no one is listening. I need a friend... The kind of a friend that cares about me, not the one who make me happy for the moment, but someone who can be .com.my

Perhaps, Sangaya is right. My greatest fear is that all this while, i lacked manliness. People say in the movies... dont confuse kindness with weakness. I proved to myself that life punishes your kindness. Its all about the money, power and connections. Kindness gave us shit and false happiness, and long term disappointments. This experiences taught me to cherish happiness more. I hope i could do everything more appropriately for any given situation.

I am thinking as hard as I could. I am thinking so hard that my mind gets weak and my thoughts seems to scatter. I become lazy that I slept the whole evening. I often re-think what I did at the end of the day to see if there is anyway I can improve.

'Hope' informs me that my future appears bright. However, it is the past I am trying to figure out. Re-storing dreams seems to be far from rational. Too much sacrifice. I'd like to preserve the current way of life but 'the past' keep on haunting me. It is extremely difficult to deal with it. Im gonna live assuming there's no god nor the devil and assume I got six months to go.

What am I up to? Tarak tau lagi! My life was like the curious case of benjamin button. As usual, I re-winded a bit, looking back, and felt as if I was in a foreign film without the subtitles. But you know, the thing is, I felt I am becoming younger every second, everyday.

It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man can receive a 'thunderstroke' and 'seruppadi' like that and still live. ( hati jatuh longkang, angkat, cuci bersih & taruk balik..! ) I think maybe because I am a romantic, you know what i mean... and the naturally born sense of humour kept me breathing.

Lately, a range of disappointments, humiliation and heartaches were 'gone' with just 13 bugs. Its was a casual friday. Kungfu Panda 2, holy shit... What we need is 'inner peace'... we are all searching for it... as part of the human journey.  Breathe in... breathe out... fuhhh... inner peace...

Naan avargalai enniyathai pole, avargalum ennai enni irunthal, indru naanum nallavan thaan.